


I'm A Knocking In 'Ya Noggin

by Jamaican Princess (Rocquellan)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dark, Depression, Episode: s07e02 Hello Cruel World, Gen, Hallucinations, Horror, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Sam Winchester, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-27 20:57:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/666410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocquellan/pseuds/Jamaican%20Princess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean says Lucifer isn't real, but Lucifer says Dean's not real and Sam just wants to be free of it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm A Knocking In 'Ya Noggin

**Author's Note:**

> Written based on the first 10 minutes of S07e02:Hello Cruel World, only. My first ever dark fic! Concrit would be appreciated and please let me know if I should add a warning of anything I've missed.
> 
> Hallucinated Lucifer/Mary

Sam wants to think he’s got a handle on things, but to be honest...? He doesn’t. The wall is down, his mind is bleeding hell and he wished he could put it all in a box and bury it under the deepest part of the ocean. He told Dean he knew he wasn’t fine, sitting there on Bobby’s couch and watching Lucifer watch them all.

“He’s not real, Sam,” Dean growled after his argument to the same.

Sam wanted to believe it, God knows he wants to believe it, but... “He says the same about you.”

Sam could see it in Dean’s eyes, that he wished he could see the devil for himself so he could give him a piece of his fist, but Sam’s the only one who can and he hesitantly looks between the two of them, because he’s not too sure what to believe at the moment.

Bobby left.

“Get some rest, Sam.”

Dean was pissed, slamming the beer bottle he was holding down on Bobby’s table and all Sam could remember was the need to stay sane, to hope he could get through this without causing Dean and Bobby any more problems than he already had.

Bobby’s couch is comfortable enough. He sleeps there more than in the upstairs bedroom because he feels safer when he’s near one or both of them and somebody almost always have their nose buried in an esoteric book around the clusterfuck of a reading table that defines the entire living room.

Fucking Leviathans.

May Castiel rest in peace.

Sam’s hand hurt viciously, so does his head and his body and his damn _soul_. Lucifer is gone for the moment and he doesn’t want to sleep, doesn’t even think about it but it comes anyway and pulls him under.

0o0~SPN~0o0

“Hey, Sam?”

Sam started awake when he felt Dean’s hand on his shoulder and heard his voice calling out to him through the haze of sleep. He looked around frantically, realizing that it’s night time and it’s only his brother stooping beside him. He calms a little, rubs at his eyes and then focus on Dean.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

Dean smiled. It’s forced, but Sam waits patiently for his brother to say whatever it is he wants to say.

“You ok?”

Sam cleared his throat. “Yeah, yeah, Dean. I’m alright.”

Dean stands. “You need to eat something, I’ll get you your dinner.”

“Yeah, alright,” Sam answered. He is a bit hungry, he realised. He only hopes he can stomach food at this point.

“It’s not five star but it won’t kill you!” Dean shouted from the kitchen while the sound of clinking utensils could be heard.

Sam chuckled. It’s so like Dean to want to take care of him despite everything.  “Ok dude, whatever.” He settled himself more comfortably into a sitting position while Dean’s footfalls echoed from the kitchen.

“...except, Sam...it might.”

Sam’s heart stops and he chokes on his own spit when he’s greeted with Dean’s decapitated and dilapidated head on a silver platter with the eyes rolled back and the mouth open with maggots on his tongue and a greeting card that reads ‘you did this to me, Sam!:D’, surrounded by the freshest cut of lettuce, grapes and plummy tomatoes he’s ever seen. Almost scrambling off the couch, he looks up at Dean...no, Lucifer, with all the fear in his heart bottoming out his stomach and the devil only smiles like those sweet old ladies with the paring knife behind their backs ready to stab you in the neck and gouge out your eyes.

“No...God no,” Sam wailed and Lucifer laughs; high pitched and mocking.

“Eat your vegetables, boy!”

Sam curls up into a ball and hides his face behind his hands, crying out his anguish as the image and smell of Dean’s decapitated head invades all his senses...

“Sam...? Sam?!”

Sam’s startled awake again by the sound of Dean’s voice and the frantic shake of his hand on his shoulder. His heart hammers a continent a minute when he recoils from Dean’s touch, then he’s gazing into frantic green eyes.

“Sam, it was just a nightmare,” Dean growled, half worried and half determined.

Sam just pants heavily, doesn’t answer because he doesn’t know what to expect this time around. Same script, same cast. He can see Bobby over Dean’s shoulder, who looks like he half expected Lucifer to jump out of Sam’s consciousness and attack him.

“Sam, look at me.”

Sam has to, because Dean grabbed his shoulders and encompass his vision with his own face. He tries frantically to not suffer a heart attack. “D...Dean?”

“Sam, you were sleeping, it’s a nightmare, nothing more.”

Sam nodded, jerky and barely portraying what little confidence he’s feeling at the moment and he breathes deeply. In and out.

Dean runs a hand through his hair and over his neck, trying to reassure him while checking his temperature. “Yeah, Sammy. I’m here, I’m real.”

Sam nodded, more confident this time because he’s worrying Dean to death and he could see it. “Yeah, Dean, just a nightmare.”

“Bobby, get him some water,” Dean throws over his shoulder and Sam watched as Bobby hurried off to the kitchen. Dean’s eyes were on him again. His brother looked so torn. “God, Sam...”

Sam swallowed. “I’m fine, Dean. Don’t worry about me.” He stood and walked away as Bobby came back with a glass in one hand and a pitcher in the other.

The thing was, it hurt Sam a lot more the more it hurt Dean. Helplessness was killing his brother and it showed. He went up to his bedroom and bolted the door shut behind him, looking at the sigil carved into the old wood before sitting on the bed and burying his face in his hands.

“Cheer up, champ.”

Sam gasped, looking up at Lucifer who sat before him on the dresser across the room.

Sam stood and turned his back on the devil. “Y...you’re not real.”

Nick stood. “Says who, Dean?”

Sam can hear the tap, tap, tap of Nick’s fingers on the wood of the dresser as he stood and walked on by it and he closed his eyes and willed the memories away.

_Tap, tap, tap. Dean’s head getting beat into the ground by a 10” mallet while he watched, chained to the walls of his cage like an animal and screaming until his head almost explodes when one eye pops from the socket, teeth and bones fracture and Dean’s blood paints the room red._

Lucifer ‘tsked. “We all know Dean can’t help you here, Sam.”

Sam doesn’t turn around nor open his eyes, but he can feel Lucifer coming up behind him and he prays, because there’s nothing else he can do.

“Not when you’re my bitch, my bitch that I’ll ride until I’m high.”

Nick’s fingers were slow and sultry, disgusting as they ran over his thigh, across his hips and snake under his shirt. Sam shivered in fear when Nick pressed against him and whispered in his ear, “Now, Sam, bend over.”

0o0~SPN~0o0

“I’m telling you Bobby, he can’t put up with this much longer.” Dean glanced at the top of the stairs while pacing, feeling like this was all his fault, because he should have fixed this already. Cas...fucking Cas breaking the wall! If he wasn’t dead already...

“I know that, Dean, but what can any of us do? It’s all in his head.” Bobby shrugs warily and Dean can see he’s just as torn up about Sam’s condition as he was.

“Haven’t you found anything else?” Dean asked in frustration.

“No,” Bobby answered plainly. “Take a seat before ya burn a hole in 'm floor, Idjit.”

“Bobby.” Dean holds his head, feeling a sense of hopelessness he hadn’t felt in a long ass while before sitting on the couch and sighing out his frustrations. He would have followed Sam and drag the devil out of his head if he could.

He wish he could.

Bobby walked over to where Dean sat. “You can’t help Sam so stressed out, Dean, get some rest.”

Dean started to stand. “I should go up there and...”

Bobby shoved Dean back on his ass, looking down on him seriously when Dean glared up at him. “Sam needs space and you’re running on empty. Eat something and get at least an hour rest. I’ll keep an eye on him until then.”

“Bobby,” Dean growled, but it fell flat and he stubbornly sat where he was with his arms folded like the child he wish he was where apocolyptic mess meant not cleaning dad's guns properly. He ignored the sandwich Bobby made when he brought it out to him.

“Eat, or I’ll pump ya full of buckshots, boy.”

Bobby’s rifle pumped and Dean ate. He would need the energy anyway...he told himself.

0o0~SPN~0o0

Sam laid on the bed, curled into a ball and shivering from fear and pain while Lucifer redid his pants button and zipper. He felt like his insides were on the outside and his skin was boiling and bile wanted to depart from his stomach.

“That was good, Sam. Very good. I like having you extra crispy.”

Nick laughed and Sam didn’t want to open his eyes, didn’t want to breathe because he’d be able to see and smell the flesh burning from his bones wherever Lucifer touched him, which was everywhere while he...

At least he didn’t wear Dean’s face this time...or dad's...or even mom's, and Sam figured that’s why this time the hurt seemed a bit more bearable.

“Hey, but there’s always next time,” Lucifer laughed, clearly enjoying himself. "Hey, how about next time I let that cockroach eat you? You know, the one you stepped on in your freshman year in Cincinnati?"

"It was an accident," Sam rasped out, holding his stomach and panting.

Lucifer put a finger on his lips questioningly as if in thought. "Was it, Sam? We can ask the cockroach right now because he says otherwise."

Sam started heaving again when the thunderous clap of humongous cockroach legs drew closer and closer. He closed his eyes tight and ducked his head when Lucifer started conversing with the insect in cockroach dialect and his skin crawled.

He waited to be eaten.

 0o0~SPN~0o0

It took a while for Sam to realize that he wasn’t feeling the effects of hell anymore and he wasn’t burned beyond recognition or sliced open and eaten bit by bit by a ravenous flying cockroach. He jumped when there was a knock on the door.

“Open up, Sam. Got you a sandwich.”

It was Bobby’s voice and Sam cleared his throat before answering. “I’m good, Bobby. Not hungry.”

“Maybe not, but I wanna see you. You ok in there?”

“Yeah, Bobby, I’m fine,” Sam answered in the best levelled voice he could muster while his body still shivered from anxiety and stress and his throat felt like cotton was wedged between and his head wanted to explode.

“You sure? What...? Who the hell are you?!”

Sam didn’t take his eyes from the door, listening as it rattled from Bobby trying to force his way inside.

“Sam, Sam! Open the door, boy!”

Sam’s shivers increased as he listened to the closing in of heavy footsteps while Bobby tried to find refuge in his room.

“Sam, there’s a guy out here with an axe. Sam, open the door! Sam!”

Sam backpedalled until his back hit the wall and he drew his knees up to his chest and mumbled as cold sweat washed over him. It was Bobby, but it wasn’t and then it might be and his head hurt and God... Bobby shouted, tried to fight and cried out for him, anything for him to open the door and he couldn’t. He wanted to so bad but Bobby screamed and then there was a loud thump, frightening him half to death and the splinter of wood as the axe crashed through the door, the visible end covered in blood.

Sam covered his ears with both hands and willed himself to die when he heard Bobby’s head hitting the hardwood floor, a sickly, wet and ghastly sound that thrummed through his entire body. He couldn’t go on like this for too much longer.

“All you had to do was say yes,” Lucifer said in a smooth voice and Sam couldn’t take it anymore. He stuttered out a breath before his body shut down from the anxiety.

0o0~SPN~0o0

“Sam?” Dean squinted when he finally woke up from Bobby’s couch. He realized it was morning and he looked around for his brother, but what he saw was Bobby pacing while on a phone call, obviously agitated.

“Well, when ya spot any activities from anything wierd give me a call, will ya? Sure, bye.”

Dean looked up as Bobby slammed the phone shut with a grumble before walking into the living room. “Rough night?”

“Can’t seem to get a reading on those leviathans,” Bobby huffed in exasperation.

“Well, did you get a reading on Sam?” He was already preparing to go up the stairs. How the hell did he sleep through the entire night anyway? Bobby must have given him something. Can’t say the sleep didn’t help though, he left less like a waterlog floating downstream.

Bobby went to sit around the books again. “Yeah, peeked in on him about eight times and he was fast asleep.”

Dean made his way upstairs anyway and he used Bobby’s skeleton key to open the door before he peeked inside. Sam was curled on his side, facing the door with his eyes closed and his hair a mess. Dean was still worried, but happy enough that Sam was getting some rest. He was about to close the door when something niggled at him about Sam’s appearance. Something at the back of his mind said to get closer and he did. He put his finger under Sam’s nose, glad to feel breath until he realized it was faint.

“Bobby!” Dean panicked and he proceeded to check his brother’s eyes for dilation with a mini flashlight kept in the nightstand and his wrist for a pulse before performing CPR on his brother.

“Balls!” Bobby cursed when he saw what was happening and he ran to get some medical supplies he had stored in a locked room in the house in case of emergencies like these. He grabbed the portable IV stand, drip bag, needles and sterilized equipment and made his way back to Sam’s room, having to force Dean to the side so he could get to the kid.

When he was done, Bobby watched the look of utter devastation on Dean’s face, wanting to wipe it off and not knowing how. He blamed himself for Sam’s condition, because he could have tried waking him way earlier to see if he was alright but the truth was, he didn’t want near what was knocking in that grapefruit. “He’s dehydrated, in the early stages of malnutrition and his blood pressure is through the roof.”

“Jesus Bobby, he could have died right here and we wouldn’t have...”

Bobby placed a reassuring hand on Dean’s shoulder, watching as those expressive eyes clouded over with unshed tears. “I know, but we’ll look after him. With us here, he’ll get through this, I know he will. I’m a go down to the pharmacy and gets some hypertension medication for when he wakes up...in case herbal medicine doesn’t work.”

Dean sniffled, nodded and then made his way to Sam’s bedside.

0o0~SPN~0o0

Sam had to watch as Lucifer fucked Mary, bending her over and ramming into her so hard she bled and begged; laughed while the devil rode her like a disc jockey.

In the next instant Mary was pregnant with an eight month belly, dressed in that same white nightgown with the bloody gash across the front. She laughed as Lucifer cooed at her stomach, then he looked over at Sam and laughed before saying, “Let’s name him Sam.”

“That’s a wonderful name,” Mary answered with a bright smile and Sam could feel the ominous atmosphere, knew that something was going to go horribly wrong and he wasn’t disappointed when Lucifer shoved his hand through Mary’s stomach, fanning out the red on her stomach and searching around before ripping him from her womb, dangling him, the crying baby, from one leg while his mother keeled over, dead, eyes rolled back in her head with the umbilical cord still attached.

“Well, what do you say, Sam, should we start over from scratch?”

Lucifer slid his eyes over to the unhinged, crying, slimy baby (Sam could feel everything the baby did) and he watched in heart stopping horror as Lucifer ripped the tiny head from the body and held it up like a trophy while his own sight became filled with red...

...and there was nothing he could do, except hope to die.


End file.
